THE ART OF HAPPINESS

I get told all the time that I'm always happy. And I am. Not the fake oh-my-god-look-at-me-and-my-amazing-life-it's-like-totally-awesome-I-am-unreal-and-I-have-the-best-life-ever kind of happiness (cue everyone else feeling inadequate), I am genuinely happy about 98% of the time.

No kidding, an ex boyfriend bought me this book when we first met

I definitely haven't always been like this.

Three years ago a crew of my closest friends and I travelled Europe together. We were sitting in a restaurant in Ibiza and I don't recall how the conversation came about, but basically what stemmed from it was their fascination with my inability to show feelings, emotion, sensitivity, or say the word "love" with seriousness. In hindsight I put this down to an extremely tough breakup which I completely turned off after. At the time I thought that was just me. Recent boyfriends would probably argue that's still me.

Now, I know there are countless books about how to be happy. This isn't an excerpt. This is just me, taking a moment to think about how I do it. And sharing it with you so that even if it helps just one of you, that's going to make me even happier!

For starters, I'm optimistic. I choose to be optimistic. I choose to see the silver lining. I choose to see the glass half full. I choose to see light at the end of the tunnel, even when it's not visible yet. Why? Because there is always a solution to a problem. It may take a lot of time, energy and a bunch of other problem-solving skills to work out, but there will be a solution. The issue for some people is that they refuse to look past the problem and find the solution. This applies to work and personal life for me. When a problem arises, don't focus your attention on it because it will only harbour negativity. My dad always reminds me "control what you can control". How many times do you say, or have you heard someone else say, "If only I hadn't..." or "If only that hadn't happened..." Don't dwell on the problem, it's now in the past, let it go! Now, what's the solution? How can you turn the negative into a positive?

When one of my closest friends (Jess) was diagnosed with cancer three years ago, suddenly, my problems seemed insignificant. Boy troubles? No biggie. Bad day at the office? Pft. Compare this to dealing with cancer in your daily life. Jess goes through this same thought process. For her, an episode of Oprah usually reminds her that there are other people worse off. Putting your life in perspective is a great thing because it reminds you that, no matter how bad you think you have it, someone always has it tougher than you. In turn, you learn to appreciate and be grateful for the things in life you do have.

I asked Jess why she thinks I'm generally so happy and she says it's because I don't seem to have any insecurities. I do, trust me. I just think I'm good at ignoring them! Nothing positive comes from having insecurities. If people don't like you the way you are, move on. Have faith in yourself and be confident that you're doing the best you can to be the best person you can be. While it's normal to have insecurities, it's how you choose to deal with them that determines if it's your insecurities that are making you unhappy. It's amazing how much confidence you can gain when you let go of your insecurities. And be able to laugh at yourself! Kick Serious Sally to the kerb and have a good ol' laugh about something stupidly silly. Be a complete clown, as I'm affectionately referred to by one good friend.

I surround myself with positive people. I have no time for Negative Nancy or Alexander Downer. You've probably met them at some stage. At breakfast they probably told you about how their dishwasher broke and their favourite top ran in the wash. Your lunch conversation probably consisted of how their boss is a jerk, they never have enough money, and their car got a flat tyre. By dinner time you probably look at your phone with their number popping up and have enough sense to screen it. I mean seriously, be grateful you have a dishwasher, nice clothes, a job and own a car!

Now don't get me wrong, everyone has bad days, and bad life experiences. And I know what that feels like too. Waking up and not wanting to get out of bed. Ever. Realising it's dinner time (all you feel like is a piece of toast) and you haven't eaten breakfast or lunch yet (and not because you've been busy all day). Remember Carrie in the Sex & The City movie when Big brushes the wedding? She's sitting in Mexico and says, "Will I ever laugh again?" We've all been there. And you're allowed to visit that place whenever you like. It's your life and you can choose how you want to feel. But, well, life is just a lot nicer in Happyland.

This is my outlook :)