THE ART OF HAPPINESS

I get told all the time that I'm always happy. And I am. Not the fake oh-my-god-look-at-me-and-my-amazing-life-it's-like-totally-awesome-I-am-unreal-and-I-have-the-best-life-ever kind of happiness (cue everyone else feeling inadequate), I am genuinely happy about 98% of the time.

No kidding, an ex boyfriend bought me this book when we first met

I definitely haven't always been like this.

Three years ago a crew of my closest friends and I travelled Europe together. We were sitting in a restaurant in Ibiza and I don't recall how the conversation came about, but basically what stemmed from it was their fascination with my inability to show feelings, emotion, sensitivity, or say the word "love" with seriousness. In hindsight I put this down to an extremely tough breakup which I completely turned off after. At the time I thought that was just me. Recent boyfriends would probably argue that's still me.

Now, I know there are countless books about how to be happy. This isn't an excerpt. This is just me, taking a moment to think about how I do it. And sharing it with you so that even if it helps just one of you, that's going to make me even happier!

For starters, I'm optimistic. I choose to be optimistic. I choose to see the silver lining. I choose to see the glass half full. I choose to see light at the end of the tunnel, even when it's not visible yet. Why? Because there is always a solution to a problem. It may take a lot of time, energy and a bunch of other problem-solving skills to work out, but there will be a solution. The issue for some people is that they refuse to look past the problem and find the solution. This applies to work and personal life for me. When a problem arises, don't focus your attention on it because it will only harbour negativity. My dad always reminds me "control what you can control". How many times do you say, or have you heard someone else say, "If only I hadn't..." or "If only that hadn't happened..." Don't dwell on the problem, it's now in the past, let it go! Now, what's the solution? How can you turn the negative into a positive?

When one of my closest friends (Jess) was diagnosed with cancer three years ago, suddenly, my problems seemed insignificant. Boy troubles? No biggie. Bad day at the office? Pft. Compare this to dealing with cancer in your daily life. Jess goes through this same thought process. For her, an episode of Oprah usually reminds her that there are other people worse off. Putting your life in perspective is a great thing because it reminds you that, no matter how bad you think you have it, someone always has it tougher than you. In turn, you learn to appreciate and be grateful for the things in life you do have.

I asked Jess why she thinks I'm generally so happy and she says it's because I don't seem to have any insecurities. I do, trust me. I just think I'm good at ignoring them! Nothing positive comes from having insecurities. If people don't like you the way you are, move on. Have faith in yourself and be confident that you're doing the best you can to be the best person you can be. While it's normal to have insecurities, it's how you choose to deal with them that determines if it's your insecurities that are making you unhappy. It's amazing how much confidence you can gain when you let go of your insecurities. And be able to laugh at yourself! Kick Serious Sally to the kerb and have a good ol' laugh about something stupidly silly. Be a complete clown, as I'm affectionately referred to by one good friend.

I surround myself with positive people. I have no time for Negative Nancy or Alexander Downer. You've probably met them at some stage. At breakfast they probably told you about how their dishwasher broke and their favourite top ran in the wash. Your lunch conversation probably consisted of how their boss is a jerk, they never have enough money, and their car got a flat tyre. By dinner time you probably look at your phone with their number popping up and have enough sense to screen it. I mean seriously, be grateful you have a dishwasher, nice clothes, a job and own a car!

Now don't get me wrong, everyone has bad days, and bad life experiences. And I know what that feels like too. Waking up and not wanting to get out of bed. Ever. Realising it's dinner time (all you feel like is a piece of toast) and you haven't eaten breakfast or lunch yet (and not because you've been busy all day). Remember Carrie in the Sex & The City movie when Big brushes the wedding? She's sitting in Mexico and says, "Will I ever laugh again?" We've all been there. And you're allowed to visit that place whenever you like. It's your life and you can choose how you want to feel. But, well, life is just a lot nicer in Happyland.

This is my outlook :)

GUEST BLOG

I have done a guest post today for my beautiful friend Jess Ainscough, founder and creator of The Wellness Warrior. Jess also taught me how to blog. I love her. Dearly.

You can read my piece HERE.

I hope you enjoy it!

MY PATH TO PR

Ever feel as though you want to do/achieve a million things in this lifetime and are disheartened when you realise you won't be able to? Not because you're not talented enough, but because we only have a limited time in this life? And life is short. The problem with high achievers is that we're never satisfied. Yes, I'm calling myself a high achiever. This affects our personal life sometimes too. We're always searching for the next challenge, what will stretch our minds, push us beyond our capabilities and comfort zones, and what is next to conquer? When will we ever be satisfied? 

From the very start of high school I was adamant I wanted to be an architect because I had an absurd fascination with houses and their structures. By year 11 I was sure I was going to be a school teacher, I even did a week's work experience as an Art Teacher at a high school on the Sunshine Coast. It was boring, and art is so subjective which I didn't feel suited someone so opinionated. So when it came time to apply for uni courses I had no fucking idea. (Don't even mention the idea of not going to uni, because that was never going to happen. I was always going to uni, I just didn't know what I was going to do.) So I did what anyone (and it seems everyone) did in this predicament, found the most general courses and applied for them! For anyone not in the know, they are Arts and Business degrees (Science students loved to make fun of us).

I have always been incredibly inquisitive. Even now, if someone uses a word in conversation that I haven't heard before or that I don't know the meaning of, I'm first to ask "what does that mean?" Either that or I whip out my crackberry and google it. So it didn't take long to find a little direction and I started off taking journalism subjects because I thought I'd make a great sports reporter. Around this time PR was becoming increasingly popular (they even introduced a major in it by the time I graduated) so I took a few of those classes too. My grades in the PR subjects were abolishing those in journalism, and to top it off one day a journalism tutor told me if I wanted to break into the industry I'd need to be prepared to work 100 hour weeks, get paid peanuts, and have no life, for at least a few years. Um, okay... Call me Gen Y here but no thanks! A few months after that I started dating a sports person who was dead against me being a journalist. Mind made up. Weak I know, but when I'm in love I'll move mountains. Or move to Sydney, as I did.

Changing universities isn't easy but I managed to find a loophole called Cross-Institutional Study which meant that I didn't have to transfer my entire degree and risk losing some subjects being counted. It meant that I completed subjects at the new university and the grades were sent back to my host university. All I had to do was write a letter to the Head of Faculty and plead my case. If you know me, you know how convincing I can be.

In the last six months of my degree I did an internship and, at the end of the internship an Admin/PR Assistant role came up. The Owner/Director said it was mine if I wanted it, but that in her opinion I'd get bored and I needed/deserved more. I love her to this day for giving me that advice and confidence.

After this I struggled to find a job. I don't pity all of the young ones out there hoping to crack into the industry. I had a degree and was incredibly determined and even I found it difficult. I had a job offer in Brisbane but was at least a year into a relationship that I really didn't want to end. I told my boyfriend I was giving myself one month and if I didn't get a job I'd move back to Queensland short term until I had some more experience.

Less than two weeks later I had landed it. On one condition. That I lose my "Queensland accent". WTF? Haha it was quite funny at the time. I wasn't aware I HAD a Queensland accent. What WAS a Queensland accent? Well now I know. From that point it was onward and upward.

Going back to my intro... I think we will find satisfaction. In everyday happiness. Once we stop putting the pressure on ourselves to fit everything we think we are capable of into the one lifetime, we'll learn to appreciate what we have achieved already. And arguably more importantly, the people we love and have had the privilege of sharing our lives with on the journey.

"ORGANISED SOUND" BY ERIC GROTHE JNR

I heart Eric. He is one of the ugliest men I know. He's 6 ft something, dark hair, big brown eyes, megawatt smile, you get the picture. His heinous appearance aside though, he's actually incredibly funny. Not funny as in slapstick. Funny as in witty. He's intelligent and he uses his intelligence in his humour, which I find just brilliant. I hope you enjoy hearing his thoughts as much as I do...

Pic courtesy of Pepper Ingham

Organised sound. It's everywhere. In everything. It soothes. It heals. It provokes emotions. It adds to a visual. It sparks memories. I could go on forever... and I will!!

Everything that's happened in my life thus far has a soundtrack attached to it. I'm positive I'm not alone on this one. Music's effects are both obvious and subliminal.

I'll never forget my 4th birthday. Mum and dad bought me a drum kit (idiots!!) and I bashed them 'til they were broken. My blisters were like flesh wounds because I'd continually play the opening drum beat of the Twisted Sister's tune "We're not gonna take it" (me: you MUST look at the hilarious 80s video clip for this HERE). It was the best "toy" I'd ever owned. Mum was stoked as it meant her pots and pans were now safe.

That drum kit taught me rhythm. A skill that would later help me a lot in life, even in my career as a sports person. And now, I'm completely obsessed with music. I must admit that in some ways that isn't always a positive thing. I've been out at night and a great song will come on and suddenly that's all I can think about. The Queen herself could be telling me about a three day bender she went on with Jim Morrison and it just wouldn't matter. In actual fact, I'd be dirty on her for gas bagging and ruining my moment... the old bag... (If you're reading this Queen... sorry... but seriously... stop talking during a cool song)...

Only in the last decade have I been brutally honest with my music taste. I don't care if it's not cool to like a song (me: true, Eric carves up the d-floor to Tik Tok by Ke$ha) after all, we are not the boss of our ears!! (me: clearly, or you would tell them you fucking hate Ke$ha and I would tell mine I hate Bieber). They like what they like. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, in a world so full of hate and plastic values, we need to make time to immerse ourselves in something that consumes us for the better!

At a time when nobody is sure of what's around the corner for us (and for our planet for that matter) now more than ever we need to be able to press the pause button on the mayhem in our lives and "live in the moment" (me: Carpe Diem kids). Take the time to shut your eyes and feel your favourite song. It's great for the soul and paints masterpieces in our minds.

Sting says that when he shuts his eyes and listens to pieces from Bach and Beethoven, he sees enormous architectural structures of fantastic complexity. Keith Richards says that he believes every piece of music is already out there in the universe and, as songwriters, we just reach out and borrow them. Personally, I see unexplainable shapes and colours that no words in our vocabulary could possibly begin to explain (me: did you take acid at the same time?). All I know is that I don't feel right if I haven't heard it each day.

So tune out and tune in people, music is therapy for the soul. Below, in no particular order (me: actually they are Eric, I put them in alphabetical order according to track title, because I'm anal like that), are five older songs out of thousands of other amazing songs that I've been listening to lately. Turn 'em up loud!!

1. Ants in the kitchen - Masters Of Reality

2. Diamonds and Pearls - Prince

3. Love in an elevator - Aerosmith
4. Love will find a way - Yes
5. Ramble on - Led Zeppelin

Here's a kick ass track by Eric's band, Shinobi...

And here's some funny stuff he did for The Matty Johns Show last year...